Shape up Dogs seminar begins tomorrow. Advanced class. Lumen. I feel like the last 2 weeks have been cramming for an exam. Like I’ve tried to practise ALL TEH WEAVE ENTRIES and ALL THE THREADLES and ALL TE BACKSIDE BARS and I still feel so underprepared. My brain keeps telling me that if only Loki was older I’d be less anxious but of course that’s not true because he can’t do half this stuff yet either.
And it’s not like we could have gone in the Foundations class cos we’ve done 1,000 Foundations but I’m filled with this deep sense of anxiety that they’re going to throw something at us that we can’t do and then be all like: ‘sigh, maybe you should have done foundations’ and some of the people there working with their dogs will be all: ‘snigger, and she thinks she can hold classes?! look at her poorly trained dog’, and meanwhile there’ll be some hard exit off the dogwalk and she won’t be able to weave and I’ll have to do our awkward version of a threadle because we just haven’t had enough healthy time in which to practise.
Which I’m sure they’ll understand but it doesn’t stop me feeling like my dog isn’t ready, that we’re not going to be able to do what we need to do and that it’s just going to be frustrating. I do want to go and have fun and learn stuff to help my handling… but there’s all these niggling thoughts in my mind, and then I go spend $60 on different varieties of tempting foods for Lu in the hope that I can keep her motivated enough to do a halfway decent job during 3 days of running on sand.
Which of course is just another thing to add to the ‘you’re not good enough’ list of things.
At school, we have kids who are ASD (Autism spectrum disorder) and as such, they can get really anxious when there are going to be different or special days at school, so we write them a “social story”. Mine would read something like this:
This weekend is going to be different.
You will be going to a seminar with some great trainers.
Some things will be tricky, and some things will be easy.
Lu will not do everything perfectly, but she will try.
It will be different and out of your comfort zone but you will be ok.
You can celebrate every attempt with Lu and have fun learning different handling moves.
It will be a go with the flow kind of weekend.
You will be ok.
And now I read that over and over again.