open mind, open heart

This is a MUCH better family photo!

This is a MUCH better family photo! I haven’t bothered doing a stay yet, so he’s getting tied to stuff for photos 😉

So Loki’s breeder contacted me the other day, asking whether Lokidog was everything I expected & wanted.

I said yes, he’s a super little dude, but that we hadn’t found our ‘bond’ yet.

We chatted for a bit about puppies being puppies, and just needing to love them, and how if I hadn’t found that bond within the next few weeks to give him back (!!) because it wouldn’t be fair to either of us, etc etc. and I’ve been thinking about this a bit lately, and here’s my thoughts:
It took me a long time to feel a ‘bond’ with Lu. In fact, it might not have been until just after the honeymoon and/or when she got sick that I really began to feel like I adored her. I feel like it’s taken us a very long time to get to know one another and how we work, and in some ways we’re still getting there, but it’s certainly there now.

I find it difficult, in general, to get emotionally attached to things, or to feel deep feelings about things, especially new things/people/whatever that maybe I don’t trust as much. Once that attachment is there, it’s very strong, but it takes a long time to develop, so therefore it wouldn’t be surprising that I don’t just fall ‘head over heels’ with him. I find it so fascinating how much this ‘dog training’ part of me has led me to really analyse my personality – I’ve certainly learnt a lot about myself over the last few months! I think that emotional investment thing makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable. Not enough rationality and logic, there. I want to think: I will love this puppy because he is smart and fast. Not: I will love this puppy because I love things and he is loveable. It’s a hard change to make.

All that being said, I’m looking at him with open eyes- to adore him as a little puppy, and to cherish his cuteness, and just try and love him, because he is very loveable. And look, it’s not that I don’t like him, I adore him and he’s awesome and great, but I don’t feel a deep strong bond just yet. It will come, but interestingly, even just shifting my mindset to be more “love him lots!” is making me feel all warm and fuzzy when he’s being particularly cute. I’m trying to be fun and spontaneous and move more when we play, and so far we’ve had lots of success with playing, making a liar of my last post.

 

Also, I’m thinking about doing this class– I’d be really curious about what she’d say about Lu… is her hesitation to run full speed in agility a confidence issue? And if so, how do we change that? And how do you motivate a dog who doesn’t have a ‘passion’ for anything much (except biting the hose but that isn’t exactly practical for a trial, or chasing kangaroos – also not so practical)? I was thinking about happy tricks and how she doesn’t really get happy, and then I thought about what she does when she does get happy, like when we come home, and she climbs up on us with her front feet. I’m thinking I shape this into a more useful trick, or make it into a game. Whether I smoosh her face, or push her and run back for her to put her paws back up or what, I’m not sure. And of course, any info I get would be beneficial for Loki, too, and it could be a nice complement to both Silvia’s stuff and the Fenzi play course I did.

 

P1190496

He still never has his mouth open!!

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6 thoughts on “open mind, open heart

  1. Penny says:

    Do you know I was just thinking about this today. Sorry to be creepy again. And I was thinking about how I only ever seem to get attached to things after we have some kind of ’emergency’ together. Is that bad? Am I soulless? Can I even spell that word? Is there any purpose to attachment? OH GOD existential crisis #456

  2. I think you are wise to give yourself time. I understand the breeder’s “offer” — she certainly doesn’t want you to NOT be happy with your puppy. But relationships aren’t socks. You don’t just pick a pair and GO! It’s more like ice cream. Each flavor appealing to each different person and at different times for different reasons. The things we learn from each of our dogs are precious… but it takes time (sometimes) to see the value.

    He’s adorable. You’ll be a “team” in your own way and each step will be just another building block.

  3. Oh and I sorta go the opposite direction on “bonding” I tend to bond HARD and FAST and too early and then later wonder what the heck I was thinking!

    • Em says:

      It’s actually good to know that you do that – sometimes I wonder if that actually happens to people (fast magical bond etc) or if it’s just in movies – I guess people are at both ends of the scale 🙂

      • It’s happened to me before. It’s actually happened and I pulled SO HARD against it I convinced myself it wasn’t happening… but it was. That’s a hella confusing situation too I tells ya. 😉

  4. You know I’m the same as far as bonding… it doesn’t bother me much with animals (though it means it’s really hard to pick a puppy because I don’t have an instant pull towards them), but with people… it’s like everyone else makes friends so easily and I’m just… observing. Or like they go on a few dates and they’re in love with a guy. Whereas I need to actually do some real-life, non-dating stuff with the guy (and yes, the more dire the circumstances, the better) before I start considering them as a relationship material. Oh, I see I’m way off topic here 😀
    Anyway, I know you will have a sweet and precious bond with Lobster and it will grow with time and it will be awesome.

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