fear

I feel sleepy and dopey like this puppy.

I feel sleepy and dopey like this puppy.

warning warning: surviving on very little sleep, sore back & possibly hormonal.

 

Lots of emotions right now. Which of course, in typical Em fashion, is manifesting in me sitting in our office trying not to look like I’m crying and pulling my hair down over my face and appearing really, really busy on the computer. I’m that cool, it’s great.

Starting to see more of Loki’s ‘naughty’, which of course isn’t naughty, it’s just puppy, but it’s dealing with that stuff again. He’s getting much more bitey- SKIRTS! PANTS! FEET! SHOES! OMG YOU’RE WALKING, I’M GOING TO OUTRUN AND BLOCK AND BITE YOU! So, hello herding instinct, nice to see you. So interesting that it’s manifesting differently to Lu who as a baby would ‘heel’ and bite the backs of your feet, where he will cast around in front and tackle the tops of your feet and shoes. So, lots of gently nudging him off to the side and carrying on walking – sorry, you can’t herd me.

We’ve been playing lots, he loves to chase toys that are dragged on the ground, and when he catches them he holds on and makes adorable little grunting noises. He chases thrown toys but when I go: “YAY! PUP PUP PUP!” and run off, he ditches the toy to chase me. This is ok, we’ll just work on it. He’s super into pats and praise- going all wiggly and cute. I did some clicker stuff this morning, just easy ‘sit, click, eat’ and put out a box which he climbed into three times, showing some really cool and easy rear-end awareness. Which is awesome.

But then there’s this underlying fear that I’m not going to do this right somehow, that something I did with Lu made her hate agility and not want to play with me and not even be crazy about food. And which tricks do I teach first? Or do I not teach tricks and just play? Surely that’s not right! And when do I take him hiking? He’s so little and tiny, how on earth could he come hiking right now? And how do I build that awesome relationship that I want? And what about recalls? How on earth did Lu’s recall get so awesome? And how do I make sure he doesn’t chase wildlife? And how can I stop him being so pushy about food because surely Lu is going to go him one day because he’s being rude.

Penny sent me a link to Daisy Peel’s post which is sort of how I’m feeling, but I don’t know if it helped because it kind of suggests that you need to have faith in your brain and your abilities, and I don’t.

And then sometimes I look at Lu and I just want to bundle her up and hug her even though she hates that because she makes my heart burst with love and with wondering if I’ve done right or wrong by her with this puppy. And whether I played with her right as a puppy, or did something weird along the way but then I remember that I played lots of fun tunnel games and made tunnels really awesome and did the 500-ball tunnel game and she still didn’t love it.

So, a lot of stuff going on and I’d really just like crawl into Lu’s crate and cuddle with her (even though she’d walk off on me at the first chance. Loser dog.). Meanwhile all the kids are very excited to meet Loki so at least I have 150 willing participants for socialisation… it’ll just be a matter of managing them so he’s not overwhelmed!

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9 thoughts on “fear

  1. Penny says:

    Hahahaha YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO BELIEVE ME SOON IF EVEN FAMOUS AGILITY PEOPLE TELL YOU !! Too funny. I have totally confidence in your abilities, even if you never believe me 😉

    • Em says:

      You don’t believe me either. We’ll just go on non-believing together. 😛
      But yeah, if both Silvia and Daisy Peel are telling me it’s all going to be ok maybe I’ll have to believe it some day…. I guess… Maybe. 😉

  2. iffebim says:

    Hi, and congrats on Loki! I am sure he and you will do just fine 🙂
    Plus, I love Daisy’s comment. Imagine having a politics blog and linking to a NYT article on Obama and Obama leaves you a comment. This is kind of how awesome I would think this is.
    And now I stop typing as to not come across as a total weirdo 😀

    • Em says:

      I know, I know, that’s why in my comment I tried to play it really cool, y’know. Like: “Oh yeah, no biggie, just someone agility-famous posting on my blog” (omgomgomg).

  3. You didn’t do anything wrong with Lu. Dogs have different temperaments and they develop differently. And I know you know, you just need to like put it on your fridge or something. 😉

    • Penny says:

      i still repeat to myself often.. it’s just mileage and I see the photo you sent of your fridge 🙂 I like your fridge theory

      • Ha! Circumstances change so quickly. I need a new note on my fridge. Something along the lines “Every day in every way I’m feeling better and better”…

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