letter to my 40 year old self

So this is a post idea that was shamelessly stolen from Rosie  who shamelessly got the idea from Hyperbole and a Half. In the latter, she wrote a letter as a 10 year old to herself, to be read in 15 years. I can’t find it right now but I’m sure I’ve read it. Rosie wrote a letter to her 60 year old self.

I figure I’d go for 40 because that seems like a reasonable amount of time and a nice round number.

So, here we go.

Dear Em,

Please note: you’re very tired while writing this- you’ve had 2 naps disturbed today and you just dropped Lumen off at the vet for vomiting blood after discovering that her pet insurance has randomly been stopped. Things are going well. Anyway, enough about me, how are you? I hope you remember this is here – is your memory better or worse? I can’t see how it would be much worse.

Is Lu still around? She should be – she’d be 13. I wonder how she went. In case you forgot, we had a lot of trouble with her pre-agility stuff: lack of play, lack of motivation, lack of speed, rabbits in the field, jumping issues, etc etc. Hopefully we worked it all out and learnt to have fun together. Did you end up breeding her? Did you keep a puppy? Is the puppy awesome? Oh, I wish I knew the answers to those questions right now, then I’d know what to do!

I wonder how your life is, like hopefully Nic’s still there- he’s pretty good remember, he cooks dinner a lot of the time and lets you do a lot of agility things and even says you can go to seminars and that he’ll pick you up and drop you off. Plus he’s nice. And he buys you presents. Have you figured out that gift-giving thing yet? If not, you owe Nic 12 years worth of gifts. Maybe buy him a new kayak or something.

Are you still teaching? I would find it surprising if you were, but you never know, I guess you could have found a way to love it entirely and not want more… And if you’re not, I wonder what you’re doing? A business venture? Teaching teachers? Consulting for schools? Think about those kids you taught last year – remember them, they were grade 1 kids, super smart, awesome kids, just soaking it all in, relishing in challenges, laughing together and chatting like grown-ups… they’d be 18 or 19 by now I guess! Finishing highschool! Maybe you should see if you can find them, see how they’re doing – if you did your job properly (eg. make the year an AWESOME one) they’ll be sure to remember you. I hope you’ve had other awesome years like that with your kids, but I don’t know if one will ever beat that one – jeez they were a fantastic bunch of kids.

I’d like to speculate on what’s happening with your family and all their drama but it’s a little too much effort for me right now and I have to go look at a house that probably won’t be suitable for agility (this was written when you were still looking for your ideal agility field + house and weren’t having a lot of luck. I hope you’ve got that sorted out now. Imagine if you have some awesome agility complex where you get international people to run seminars and maybe you have a dock-diving pool and cool stuff like that.) but the estate lady was very persistent and seemed to think it was ok, so I’m going to take great satisfaction in walking out to the backyard, looking at it and saying: nope, sorry.

Hope you’ve had a good life, give Lu a big hug for me if she’s still there, and her baby/ies if you have them, and I’ll give Mal a big hug for you right now (he’s 10, yesterday!) because now I’m crying (because I’m thinking of a life without Mal in 12 years) and of course he’s worried that he’s done something wrong so he’s curled up next to me stressing about it all. Good boy, Mal.

Seeya round, future self.

Em.

Ps. Here's a picture of you at 27, when you think back about you being chubby or whatever, look here. Also check out your dog, she's awesome.

Ps. Here’s a picture of you at 27, when you think back about you being chubby or whatever, look here, I’m sure you’ll be surprised. Also check out your dog, she’s awesome.

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